Tangled.

I want to be part of it. He is doing something, and i want in on it. Sometimes I scroll through people's thoughts and images they post online, and I marvel at how vibrant and flowing their lives seem from the outside. I often feel like my own life picture is a still shot of me still standing in the same spot I thought I left. Is there no spiritual compass to direct this paper heart? Direction seems to be waiting for me to decide it exists. God's church is throbbing; it's veins are warm with the presence of God's purpose; His plans... I have such a limited view of my own place in things. The world seems so big, and yet so intimate. I want to be thrown into the mix. I want to be tucked between the sheets of experience; my life constantly crashing into another's; changing shape and form as I go... belonging and loving and living... forgetting myself in the face of another. My prayers are loud to God, "I long to be caught up in living..." He is dancing to a rhythm all His own. I want to dance with Him... I am mediocre and alive. Nothing, yet existing... I don't believe I could be anymore significant than this moment. I feel His purpose; it's coming... always coming. His ways are a mists. I long for them to be waves that crash into me so hard I am hopelessly lost in His presence... swimming only to experience his depths... drowning painfully only to see the change His love brings to the surface. He is life's pulse, and I hunger for a taste...